Let me start by off telling you that I have had two abortions before the age of thirty. I know what most people would probably think: “How can you have gotten two? Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time? What is wrong with you??” But in my defense (it’s funny that I feel that I even HAVE to defend myself) they were two very different situations several years apart.
The first time I had to get one I was twenty-one years old. I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend for almost two years at that point and I was on the pill. Unfortunately, I was on YAZ. Remember the ads that advertised itself as the lowest possible hormonal birth control? Well, apparently it was too low. I got pregnant and a few friends of mine got pregnant as well as a result of being on that brand. They chose to have their babies, I did not. Not only was I in college full-time and working on the side, but I also just did not want to be a mother then. To make matters worse, my boyfriend was an alcoholic and a verbally & emotionally abusive drug-addict. I tried to leave him but he wouldn’t let me. Even though he did not want to be a father, he did not want me to get an abortion because of his mothers religious views. He would not help me pay for it, nor would he even drive me to a clinic or even help me get any information on it. I was completely lost. I tried to do a self abortion where I took several Plan B pills over the course of a week and basically downed a pint of liquor a day. I succeeded in having an incomplete miscarriage and ended having to get a D&C. Luckily a guy friend of mine paid for it and drove me to the clinic. I realize now that I could have died, but I was willing to risk it. I could not imagine the life I would have had if I would have had the baby; I would have been stuck with my ex and that in of itself was worth the risk of cutting ties with him.
The second time I had an abortion I was twenty eight. I had been with my current fiancee for about a year and a half and we had an ‘Oops!’ moment and I ended up pregnant a few weeks later. I loved him then as much as I do now, I knew I wanted to have kids with him one day, just not that day. Emotionally, mentally and financially speaking we were not ready to be parents. We had just finalized his divorce from his atrocious ex-wife which took almost two years of fighting to get it done. We were still building our lives together. We were still paying off debt and saving money. We were both in transition in our jobs. A child was just not on the table. Even though we both wanted to have kids together one day, we agreed that it was not the right time. I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday, booked the appointment at PP on Monday, went in on Wednesday and was done by Thursday. Since I was only a few weeks along, I chose the medicated abortion. The staff at PP was amazing. They were incredibly kind and understanding. My fiancee drove me there and paid for it, then took care of me when we got home. This terrible moment was made much easier by the supportive staff at PP and my supportive fiancee.
I am currently pregnant now with our first child. The time is right (at least, as right as it can ever hope to be), financially and emotionally we are secure and our relationship is strong. I am happy that I was able to have the choice to pick when is right for me to have a family. Some people may ask, “Well, your pregnant now and happy .Why is this child more important than those others? Couldn’t you be happy back then when you got pregnant? Don’t you regret having those two abortions?” To which I always answer, “Hell no.” I don’t even think about it. I don’t regret those two abortions I had. I didn’t think about them when I chose to keep this baby. My first accidental pregnancy could have forever kept me tied to a horrible man, someone who still causes my stomach to flip when I think him. My second was more difficult, because I love my fiancee.
When you were reading, how did you imagine me? Most would think that I was a black or hispanic girl from an impoverished family with little to no education. When i’ve submitted my story in the past, that is how I was told I was portrayed in the readers mind. Allow me to clear things up, if you will. I am the eldest born living in a very wealthy town in Palm Beach. My parents emigrated here from Uruguay (one of the wealthiest countries in South America with one of the worlds highest literacy rates) to be doctors. They own their own practice and my mom is the head of the Psychiatric unit of a local mental health facility. I grew up about a stones throw from the beach and spent my summers vacationing in Europe and my winters back in Uruguay. I am bilingual and a successful artist. While in college I was first studying medicine before I decided that art is my true calling. My ex-boyfriend (the abusive one) is the lead sales manager for a major LED lighting company and my current fiancee is a software engineer for a very profitable startup. My ex comes from a white, wealthy and successful family as well as my fiancee.
You think only the uneducated and impoverished are stupid enough as to put themselves in such a situation as an unwanted pregnancy? Think again. You think only girls with daddy issues wind up with someone who is abusive? Think again. You think only the uneducated would attempt a self-induced abortion? Think again.
So now you have my two stories, one was an easy decision but with difficult outside circumstances while the other was a difficult decision with easier outside circumstances. An unwanted pregnancy does not need to be the catalyst for a major life change if we allow women the access to govern their own bodies.
I’m due in March, ironically right on my fiancees birthday. It’s too early to tell wether it’s a boy or a girl, but thanks to Planned Parenthood I had the right to be able to choose when I want to start a family. And I cannot wait to hold my newborn in my arms and tell him or her, “I wanted you.”
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